Two Dosas ft. Himesh Patel

By Sarmad Masud | Comedy
A geeky guy takes his date to an Indian restaurant. To his horror, she goes off-menu in Hindi.

Filmmaker Sarmad Masud tells the story of Pavan, a geeky teacher who takes his “English Rose” on a night out at an Indian restaurant.

Pavan sits in the staff room with coworkers Ben and Kevin and tells them about last night’s date with Chloe.

When Pavan tells Chloe about the most authentic Indian restaurant in the city, they agree to meet at a nearby street corner. She shows up and they awkwardly exchange kisses on the cheek. His plan is to woo her by taking her on a cultural odyssey.

They arrive at his “dosa spot.” Pavan suggests she try one of their famous dosas — good for first-timers.

The waiter hands them the menu and Pavan gives it back. Chloe doesn’t look either, then goes off-menu to order the special. He’s surprised and orders a dosa.

Chloe tells him she’s been to the restaurant a few times. She used to date a guy named Vinay. She says the off-menu curry has been passed down from chef to chef through the centuries. Nobody knows the recipe, but it tastes like it has every spice in it.

She then asks if he really likes dosas, since they’re a bit bland. Pavan thinks they’re delicious. It’s obvious she knows more about Indian culture than he expected. He has nothing to impress her with now — dark and mysterious is all he had.

Chloe opens her drink with her teeth as Pavan struggles to open his by hand. The waiter drops him a bottle opener.

Chloe tells him about Vinay. She spent five months backpacking through India with him — she’s more interested in the authentic Indian experience instead of the British-Asian one. Pavan says he gets travel-sick and has to watch what he eats in the motherland. Chloe reveals she wanted to move in with Vinay after they got back, but he went to Edinburgh with his comedy troupe instead. He’s an artist and can’t be pinned down.

Vinay sounds amazing. Pavan wants to be him — and imagines he’s like a Bollywood star with good facial hair and an aura around him. Basically, “Brown Gosling.”

Ben and Kevin tell Pavan to forget Vinay and get back in the game and play to his strengths — “brown it up a bit.”

The waiter drops a fork and knife on the table. Chloe speaks in perfect Hindi, telling him they don’t need to cutlery. But as he starts to take it away, Pavan says to leave his set. Pavan watches Chloe eats like an expert, tearing into her dish with her fingers. He wonders how she’ll clean her hands to get rid of the smell.

Bollywood music begins to play loudly on the TV. Pavan and Chloe sing and break out in a song and dance. Then, he goes for the kiss. Chloe suggests they go to “Secret India.”

Pavan has no idea where she’s taking him. They go to a mysterious street and she knocks on a door, opening another one. They walk down a dark flight of stairs and into a room full of Indian men, music and tea.

She talks to the owner in Hindi and asks Pavan if he’d like to chew on an after-meal snack. He fakes like he knows what she’s talking about. As they go back outside and begin to chew it, Pavan gets nauseous and nearly vomits.

He sits down and Chloe calls it a night. Pavan tells Ben and Kevin that he was being something other than himself — and concludes that Chloe just isn’t his cup of dosa.

Pavan needs a girl who loves dosas.

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